Santa's Little Helpers
by Iamtwilightobsessed-MP
Summary: A Christmas One Shot... JBNP Alphas' Choice Winner


**My entry in the JBNP Chirstmas OS contest. I won Alphas' Choice, thank you to all who voted.**

**Beta: The Fantastic Feebes**

**Santa's Little Helpers (**Charlie's Pov**)**

I sat with Billy waiting for the pack to arrive…_ pack_ yeah that had been a shock. I'd married Sue Clearwater, now Swan and inherited two step children who magically turned into hairy beast and discovered the existence of vampires and my only child's involvement with said vampires all in one day.

Some super observant Chief of Police I'd been.

Paul was first to arrive with Will in tow who already looked up to no good, like father like son I thought snorting. For just five years old Will could give grown men a run for their money. "Pops…" Will yelled strutting in looking around for Billy.

The kid was adorable; he had the Black smile, his father's smirk and a head full of inky black hair that fell to his shoulders. "Are you being good today?" Billy asked grinning.

"Yep, I only went to time out three times," Will proudly announced making Billy laugh, it wasn't even noon yet.

"Uncle Chief," Will greeted seeing me sit on the couch.

"Mr. Lahote… do you need to be arrested today?" I asked laughing. The kid thought my cruiser was the coolest thing he'd ever laid eyes on and was fascinated with my handcuffs.

"Nope, Mommy says I have to be good so Santa will come see me," He told me looking slightly disappointed.

"Your Mommy is right," I told him trying not to laugh.

"Jake, here yet?"

"No, he should be here soon," Billy told Paul while halting Will's attempts to unlock the wheels on his wheel chair.

"He here?" Embry asked walking inside with Thomas on his shoulders. Now Embry's son was a sweet kid, he was Embry's mini me, tall and quiet like his Dad, but calculating also like Embry. I'd seen him; Quil and Jake pull more pranks than those idiots on that Ashton fellas show. Those boys were in trouble when their kids started school.

Jared was next in the door, also asking about Jake's whereabouts with Lucy in his arms. "Hi, Pop Billy and Police Man Swan," She greeted us with the sweetest smile. She was a sweet little girl, who Jared doted on.

I was starting to notice a theme, but decided I needed more evidence before I began my interrogation.

The kids were all on the floor with Will coloring, as the guys stood sentry at the door. Sam walked in with Sammy who jumped out of his arms to get to Lucy, making Jared scowl. He did not appreciate lil Sammy's enthusiasm for his little girl. "Is he here yet?" Sam asked looking aggravated.

"No," All of the guys said.

Quil walked in the door with his and Leah's little girl, now that had been a shock. One day they were in the yard ready to tear each other's throats out the next they were crashing into each other and nine months later we sat at the hospital welcoming Susan into the family. She was about the cutest little thing I'd ever seen. "Pappy," She yelled running to me.

"How's my girl?" I asked kissing her head.

"Mommy won't give me cake," She pouted.

"I bet Grandma has cake," I told her ignoring Quil's glare.

"Leah says she can't have any cake." Quil said not looking at me or the guys, it was no secret who wore the pants in their house. Hell Leah still wore the pants in my house and she hadn't lived with us in four years. "Where's he at?" Quil asked looking around.

"I'm right here," Jake said walking in the house looking frazzled, Ephraim in one arm, and Ben in the other. If you didn't know the twins, you'd think Jake was carrying them out of love and comfort, but it was probably to keep them from hotwiring a car on the way here. Jake set the boys down as they ran towards Billy managing to knock over the coffee table in the process. I was fairly certain I'd have to haul their behinds into the station before too long; we were all hoping they made it to their fifth birthday before they acquired records.

"Pop," They yelled in unison launching themselves at Billy nearly knocking him over. They were huge, built just like Jake, solid, and tall and their butts were molded in the shape of their time out chair.

"Pappy Chief," Eph, yelled climbing across the side table, the lamp crashing to the floor as he made his way to me. Ben managed to crunch the large pieces of glass under his boots as he found my lap.

"Tell me boys," I said looking at Eph and Ben, "Where's Mommy?" I asked.

"Mommy is _maaaad _at Daddy," Ephraim told me shaking his head. Ah ha, I thought. Well that explains why the pack is here without the women. When one was mad, they were all mad. "Uncle Seth is here, everyone line up," Jake yelled interrupting my interrogation.

Each one lined up against the wall and waited. They were too cute for their own good. Lucy and Susan both wore sparkly Snowman dresses with red tights and shiny shoes, while each of the boys had on a pair of dark dress pants, white shirts and Santa Hats.

"I'll clean up the lamp mess when we get back," Jake told Billy as I wheeled him outside.

Seth grabbed Ben who was trying to run around the front of the van and climb into the driver's seat. "No way little man," Seth told him ruffling his hair, earning a growl in return.

"Uh… where are the girls?" Billy asked looking around at nothing but the pack and their kids.

"They're not coming," Seth told me laughing.

"You mean it's just us and them? They're not coming with us?" I asked looking at all the kids.

"Nope," Seth said shaking his head.

"Dear Spirits," Billy whispered. "Why?" He asked with a wide eyed look. We were outnumbered.

"Someone…" Paul said glaring at Jake, "told the girls we could handle it," He finished growling.

"Son, we can't handle this," Billy said looking around and waving his arms in the air.

"Let's just go," Jake said.

Forty five minutes, one peeing on the tire incident and three rounds of musical van seat, we were headed to Port Angelis. We'd been on the road for fifteen minutes before Will and Susan declared their need to use the bathroom. We pulled into the Texaco and I couldn't help but crack up at the looks we were getting as seven giant men, six kids all wearing Santa hats, and two old men came spilling out of our 18 person rented van.

Quil carried Susan to the bathroom, banging on the ladies room door before going inside one hand over his eyes as Susan declared it 'all clear'' Seth, and Embry stood outside the door as guards. Susan and Lucy were well protected as the only girls in the group. Paul and Will headed to the men's room, and I had to laugh watching as the boys… the big boys chased around the little boys.

"Ben… you cannot keep peeing on things," I heard Jake's voice boom. What in the world was going on with those boys, I wondered.

Six bug juice bottles, several bags of chips and two pink coconut balls later we were back on the road. After several LOUD renditions of Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, we finally pulled into the Malls' parking lot. I was exhausted.

We filed out of the van, Jared and Quil both scooping up the girls, and carrying them as Jake held both Ben and Ephraim at the waist carrying them through the doors. I could see the boys looking around at all the Christmas lights, and decorations and God only knew what they were plotting.

"Will!" Paul shouted as Will took off ahead of us, dropping to his knees sliding along the waxed floor. Eph and Ben wiggled out of Jake's grasp following their cousin and sliding on their knees, but those two amped it up with their arms held up brandishing fake guns as their little mouths made machine gun sounds that echoed off the walls. Sammy stole the show as he flew forward sliding on his stomach and yelling 'WEE' as he skidded a few feet crashing into a large metal trashcan.

Everyone who saw us smiled as they watched the kids, skip, jump and sing yet another variation of a Christmas song as we made our way towards Santa's Workshop. They looked angelic in their Christmas best and Santa hats.

"Get in line, and I'll go pay," I said ushering our group over to the long line of little kids holding Christmas lists in their tiny hands. I paid and returned to our group.

"BEN!" Jake yelled running towards the Christmas tree.

"Is he pissing on the Christmas Tree?" Paul asked cracking up. "Holy Shit.., who would have thought Sunshine and Rainbows Jake would have the worse kids," He guffawed as he folded into himself laughing.

"Quit laughing, your kid is opening up the fake presents," Jake told Paul as Paul looked around not realizing Will was gone making Sam laugh.

"Shit," Paul mumbled running towards Will who was knee deep in wrapping paper and ribbons.

"Sam is that Sammy over there on the train?" I asked looking towards the ride on train chugging around Santa's Workshop.

"Damn it," Sam huffed running to grab Sammy from his position on top of the train engine where he was riding backwards, arm raised making choo, choo noises. Thomas stood just in front of us and I had a sneaking suspicion he was not as innocent as he appeared to be.

"I'm glad I have a daughter," Jared said with Quil agreeing as he patted Susan's little leg.

Susan and Lucy were chatting away atop their Dad's shoulders and I wondered if I should tell Jared and Quil the girls had been picking the sequins off their Snowmen dresses and leaving it in their hair. I decided to let it be and pointed it out to Billy who had to cover his mouth to keep himself from laughing.

We inched our way up in line and I held my breath waiting for the next catastrophe. "Where's Eph?" Jake asked as he turned around in circles looking for Ephraim. "Dear Spirits," Jake said taking off towards the giant candy canes, Ben slung on his back. I looked over to see Eph pulling up his pants having peed on the candy cane.

"What the hell is going on with the boys pissing on everything?" I asked.

"Oh that would be Jake teaching them to mark their territory," Paul snorted.

"We were camping, I thought they understood it was only an outside game," Jake said sheepishly.

By the time we made it to the front of the line, the kids looked like little Orphans. Lucy and Susan's shirts were void of the sequins and glitter, but Jared and Quil's hair sparkled under the overhead lights. Susan had runs in her red tights and Lucy, had managed to tear the entire knee out of hers. The boys' dark pants were white on the knees from the dirt and dust of the waxed floor, their once crisp white shirts were wrinkled, un-tucked and lord only knows what the stains were, their hats were lopsided and missing some of the white fur and Sammy had a neon green ring around his mouth from his Bug Juice.

Lucy and Susan sat on Santa's knee with the boys gathering around, "I farted on Santa Clause," Will shouted, as the camera flash went off, making the boys laugh loudly and the girls' faces scrunch up, and that was our picture with Santa.

Lucy and Susan hopped down from Santa's lap as Ben and Eph took off running around the poor man, who foolishly agreed to play Santa Claus this season. Thomas was off to the side, if you looked close, you could see him smirking as he whispered orders to the other kids all the while appearing to be the lone 'good boy' of the group. Sammy joined the chase and around and around they ran. Eph stopped mid sprint to pick his nose, causing Sammy to trip head first into Candy Cane lane; it was like watching dominos fall. One 4 foot Candy Cane after another fell until finally they stopped but not before landing on Santa knocking him to the floor.

"What the hell did you do to make them mad enough to take it out on all of us?" Billy asked completely flustered.

"It's not my fault," Jake defended.

"What did you do?" I asked narrowing my eyes. I was more embarrassed than any other time in my life. I… Charlie Swan, Police Chief of Forks had been escorted out of the Port Angelis Mall by Mall Security.

"Ephraim, Benjamin come see Pappy Chief," I called smirking at Jake. The boys walked over looking like little angels, smiling with their fathers' signature smile, looking up at me with their chocolate colored eyes that looked innocent even though they'd never been innocent a day in their short little lives.

"Why is Mommy mad at Daddy?" I asked.

"Mommy say we get two brothers," Ephraim informed me.

"And then she tell Daddy he not have no more boys and then she throwed the scissors at him," Ben supplied.

"Tt… twins?" I sputtered.

"Uh, yeah, twin boys" Jake said and even though his boys had just helped get us kicked out of a shopping mall, Jake was grinning.

"DUDE!" Paul howled as the pack cracked up.

"What the hell are you laughing at, apparently twins run in the family," Jake told Paul smirking.

"Ah, shit," Paul mumbled.

God help us all, another set of twins, I thought.

"What's so funny?" Jake asked as Billy and I started laughing.

"Bella is never going to let you near her again," I told him, laughing so hard I snorted.

"Let's get the hell out of here," Billy said, "I've got beer in the fridge,"


End file.
